Hold Me Fast
by espergirl04
Summary: She just needs to see his face. Set after the last book.


Set after the last book.

XXX

 _Nothing is as it has been and I miss your face like hell. -Head and the Heart_

She's not a spontaneous person. Not without someone like Chris to push her, but god knows where Chris is (okay, so she's currently in St. Lucia according to her last post card) and in the year and a half she's been in North Carolina she still hasn't found anyone at UNC quite like her friend. So it is very unlike her to get into her car after her last class of the day and to just start driving. It's stupid, actually, because her first class tomorrow starts at 8am.

He doesn't answer her call or text, probably because he's asleep. So she does something also very unlike her and walks into his dorm behind someone who does actually belong there, walks straight up to his room, and pounds on his door.

His roommate doesn't even question her being there, just yells "Peter your girl's here," winks at her, and walks out.

Peter looks disheveled. He's wearing a black long sleeved shirt that hugs his biceps when he rubs his face with his hands, like he can't believe what he's seeing. "Covey?"

She doesn't say anything, just runs up to him and hugs him, burrowing herself in his arms.

What's wrong, what happened?" there's obvious concern in his voice.

She starts to cry. He pushes her back so he can look at her face, "Seriously, please talk to me. What happened?"

She realizes that he probably thinks that it's something horrible…because really, was there another logical explanation? It's not logical at all why she's there. "I just…I miss you," she says and the tears start coming again.

Emotions flicker across his face but then he starts laughing. "You're ridiculous, you know that? Come here," he hugs her tight. The kind of hug that makes her feel safe, that makes reality fade away.

"I love you," she murmurs against his chest.

"I love you," he says.

They're lying on his bed next to each other with music playing from his laptop. Finally he says, "I thought someone had died, the way that you showed up here like that. It's not you." He twists her hair around his fingers as he asks "What's really going on?"

"I don't know," she says. "It's just…everything feels so different. I needed to see you."

XXX

They get into a fight their junior year of college. She doesn't even remember what starts it. But suddenly all the little things, the things they've both pushed to the side to keep things smooth, to keep things going, start to overflow. It ends with them breaking up.

So she takes her green hat box back to Chapel Hill with her and puts all the letters that Peter had sent, the UVA cap he'd given her to wear to games, the necklace he gave her back in high school, and the bracelet he gave her this past Christmas, into the box. She takes the box back up with her during her break before summer classes start and she puts it back one the shelf in her closet.

XXX

Her final year she starts dating a pre-law student named Stephen who wears things like salmon colored shorts and Sperry's…actually…actually he kind of looks a lot like John Ambrose. Very blonde and classic.

She hears from Kitty that Peter was walking around the downtown mall holding hands with someone "tall and boring looking" (per Kitty's description). They looked serious (again, per Kitty).

She and Stephen make it to graduation before they break it off. He's staying in North Carolina for law school and she's going to NYC for an entry level job in publishing, and if she's learned one thing about long distance it's that she and Stephen would never last.

XXX

She doesn't see Peter again until years later. Sometimes they Facebook message one another...like "hey happy birthday, Covey!" or she'll send him a meme that she thinks that he'll find funny. She doesn't see him again until she's 27, actually. She's visiting her Dad and Trina and Kitty (home from Radford for fall break) and ran out to the store to get a few things and stops for coffee.

"Covey?"

No one has called her that since… "Peter?"

He looks so…grown up. And somehow he also looks the same.

He smells the same, like Dove soap, when she hugs him. They stick to the standard nice to see you again before she makes up an excuse to leave because her words have already started to stick in her throat.

She gets the hat box out. The UVA hat. The necklace with the heart and starburst diamond, the bracelet. The bracelet that he had specially engraved the Christmas before they broke up. The bracelet that said always and forever. Then she pulls out the letters. And the notes that he wrote in high school, from before they started dating for real.

She finds his number in the box, too. She remembered writing it down before she deleted it out of her phone, just in case. So she calls him. The uncertain hello tells her that he had long deleted hers, too. "Hey Peter, it's Lara Jean…"

She wasn't sure how he'd answer but it's with an enthusiastic "Hey."

They decide to go hiking. She never used to like hiking which is exactly what he tells her when he picks her up. "I guess I missed the mountains," she says.

She tells him about how she lasted all of two years in publishing and then moved on to working in a bakery. How she likes living in the city but… "I don't know, maybe it's time to move on," she says.

Peter tells her about how he played professional lacrosse for a little while and she doesn't tell him that she knows because one time she googled him…maybe a few times. He tells her about how he now works as a financial advisor near DC and her eyes widen. "Weren't you the one who cheated in school?"

"In 7th grade, in Spanish."

"Didn't you almost fail chemistry?"

Peter laughs, "I guess I learned a few things at UVA. Or maybe you rubbed off on me, I've picked up some books."

He asks her what she would do next. "I don't know…maybe open my own bakery?"

"In New York?"

Lara Jean shakes her head, "Maybe here." She doesn't say it, but she's missed home. She misses Virginia.

Peter says, "There are some places in NOVA that you might like."

"You think so?" She asks.

"Yeah, some areas kind of remind me of here."

XXX

Lara Jean knocks on the door to his apartment. There's no answer and she curses herself for not calling first. Who knows if he was even here. Then she sees him, running up the street, earbuds in. He stops short when he notices her and his face breaks into that smile.

"Hey Covey."

"Hey," she says.

They've been talking almost every day. If not on facetime then regular calls and if not calls then texts. And if not that then he would take the bus to New York or she'd take the train down to VA.

"You didn't tell me you were coming this weekend" he kisses her on the forehead. "

"I just needed to see you," she says. "That and…" she feels like she's about to burst with excitement, something she hasn't felt in a long time.

"And?"

"And I'm looking at a space in Georgetown…the bakery that I work at is opening another location."

His face lights up in understanding. "You're not joking?"

"Not a joke, Kavinsky"

XXX

It's nearly a year later when Peter pours them both a glass of champagne. Her dad, Kitty (now Katherine but always Kitty to Lara Jean), Margot, and Trina are there. And Kitty's boyfriend and Margot's fiancé. And Peter.

"It's not that big of a deal," she tries to tell them. But they still treat it like it's her bakery (it's not, technically).

After her family leaves and she closes up the shop, she and Peter start walking to the metro. At least that's where she thought they were walking but he suddenly grabs her hand and tugs her in the opposite direction. "Where are we going?" She asks. They're headed towards the bridge.

"Just wait, Covey."

They stop when they get to the middle and they watch the boats floating by and they can see lights reflected on the Potomac. It takes her a minute to realize that Peter is on one knee and when she does she jumps back, hands over her face, everything seems like a blur.

"Lara Jean Song Covey," he starts. "I've been waiting a long time for this. I've actually had this ring since college because I've known that you're the one that I want to spend my life with. Will you marry me?"

The answer is yes, yes, yes.

XXX

The morning of their wedding Lara Jean sends Peter a letter. Peter sends her one, too. It's written on notebook paper and has been folded and refolded and she realizes that the letter was one that was written years ago. Peter had written her letter every week in college, as promised, and she realizes that this was his last letter to her. One that he had never sent.

 _Lara Jean,_

 _I don't know what happened. I don't know what went wrong. We made it this far, right? Maybe we just need to grow and maybe it's okay that we don't do it together. I know that this isn't the end, though. I know because I love you. You were my first crush, the girl that I kissed on the couch in the basement…and I know that you'll be my last love. So this isn't good bye. I bought a ring. One day I plan to give it to you. One day you'll read this letter. I don't know when, but I do know that much._

 _Love,_

 _Peter K_


End file.
